Only I Can Hold The Pain You Caused
by CassidysPersona
Summary: Nick Savage has gotten his revenge on DC Rachel Bailey, Rachel is now scarred for life and shows emotions that she's never shown many people before. Contains: Mentions of rape please don't read if you're not able to handle these topics.
1. I May Cry Ruining My Make Up

**A/n: Well Crikey hasn't it been a while since I posted on here? I'm back with a new story for Scott and Bailey. So I was drunk when this idea happened and thanks to Pianoninja I am publishing and going to probably have three or four chapters. So yeah drunk midnight decisions I guess!**

 **Peace out x**

Rachel Bailey immediately regretted her decision to take a different route home. She'd taken it in broad daylight but never after after work drinks. However she was still fairly sober having drank heavily the night before so she felt it was safe enough to walk down the alleyway she usually took in daylight. She'd seen enough Criminal Minds with Taisie and Elise and enough dead bodies in real life to know that walking down a dark alley was a huge mistake but she was DC Rachel Bailey not just a typical everyday woman walking down dark allies and she knew how to save herself from anyone who thought they could outsmart a cop. After all in the words of DCI Gill Murray she knew how to commit murder and get away with it. Not that she'd again risk her detective career like she had when she used the PNC to find Nick Savage's address. So with that reassurance in mind the DC kept on making her journey home her heels clicking against the gravel.

Had only Rachel knew that walking down a dark alley was going to be the least of her problems, it was only when she reached the road to cross to home that in the dark of the night with only the full moon to give off light that she was about to face a man she thought she'd escaped, he pulled her back into the alleyway and shoved her against the wall. Rachel felt her head hit against the stone wall, which for a second altered her awareness of the situation she was in. For that moment Nick took advantage of her being unaware. As the realisation of the moment came back to her it was already happening. The detective managed to find inner strength to not let this man win and the feeling of adrenaline kicked in, "Get off me you bastard!" Rachel pulled his hair but he grabbed her wrists, "arghhh!" She bit his hand which automatically made Nick pull his hand back. The detective didn't look back to see if he was chasing after her. All she knew was she needed to be away from Nick Savage.

Meanwhile Mitch who had left the pub with a smile on his face was walking with his hands in his pockets and whistling to the tune of Karma Chameleon when he came across the silhouette of a body shaking. The closer he became he saw it was his colleague, "Rachel are you alright?" Mitch knelt down to her level and saw she had tear tracks running down her face, "what's happened?"

"Don't," Rachel pushed herself away from her male colleague and winced as the pain from her lower body overtook her ability to move.

"Come on we need to get you home," Mitch had a feeling he knew what had happened his police training told him to the call the police there and then but he also knew Rachel would want to be in the comfort of her own home.

...

Dom managed to drag himself away from the sofa as he heard a knock at the door. He waited until a second knock to answer. When he did he was greeted a man and his sister who didn't appear drunk but there was definitely something not right in his opinion.

"What's happened?" Dom asked as he approached his older sister and tried to touch her. However at his touch Rachel pulled away wrapping her arms around her to warm herself up.

"Dom I need you to be responsible now, in the kitchen get me a plastic bag and washing up gloves," Mitch ordered the youngest Bailey who had the same childlike sad eyes he shared with his sister, "Rachel I need you to change into some old clothes as you need to bag these up for evidence," Mitch pointed to her work clothes she had on.

"Rachel?" Dom tried to get a response out of his sister, the lack of emotion on her face started to freak him out, "Rachel?"

"I know it's tempting to take a shower but-"

"I know," Rachel finally spoke she still had tears rolling down her cheeks, "can one of you call my sister?" Rachel asked with that sound of childlike innocence. Never would she normally call her sister. In fact she avoided telling her sister stuff given Alison clucked around her but right now there was something about Alison that seemed to make her feel safe right now.

Half an hour passed and Mitch had phoned multiple times Alison and Janet. Janet was clearly asleep and so was Alison, "Alison it's Mitch from MIT I've...I don't really want to say it down the phone but I think it's a good idea you phone your sister...she's...I've phoned Janet as well but she's."

Dom came over and sat next to his shaking sister who was on the sofa in pyjama bottoms and a top. The back of her head was throbbing and her lower body was aching, "I made you a tea," he said as he sat forward and put the steaming hot mug on the table, "what's...what happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it," Rachel replied as she breathed in heavily and shook her head. Mitch came back into the living room shaking his head, "where are they?" Rachel ran her hands down her face as the frustration of her sister and best friend not picking up came over her.

"Are all the clothes bagged up?" Mitchel asked Dom who was darting his head back and forth looking at his sister and at Mitch.

"Yeah," Dom replied but he kept his attention on his sister, "are we...who do we call? Aren't you guys...I don't know what to do...who do you call you're police yourself?"

"Police please," Mitch told the operator down the phone before being connected to a man who read out the number on the phone before talking, "I want to report a sexual assault...around ten pm, it's DC Ian Mitchell from MIT Syndicate 9. Her names Rachel Bailey...DC Rachel Bailey."

Mitch had taken Rachel down to the station Dom had come with them but he was confused. Most of the time it was Dom having an issue and Rachel would either sort it out or make it feel so much less traumatising. With roles reversed now he was having to be strong and he reverted back to a child.

Meanwhile Taisie had woken up to her mum's phone vibrating the violent rattle of the phone was rather annoying and she had school in the morning. So sneaking into her mum's room to answer the phone was the only she could stop the vibrating.

"Mum," Janet felt someone shaking her awake and Taisie's voice as she started to come round from her slumber, "mum it's Mitch he's phoning you," Taisie held her phone in her mum's face and the bright lights made Janet's eyes hurt.

"Hello?" Janet asked rather groggily but her eyes shot open when Mitch told her where he was and who he was with, "is Rachel ok?"

"I don't want to do this down the phone...I've been trying to get hold of Alison but she's not picking up...Rachel could do with some female support," Mitch looked over at his colleague who is looking rather terrified. The amount of times she deals with victims. Never did she think she'd become a victim.

Rachel went through the examinations alone with only the woman who she had came across once to talk to but that was to talk to her about a victim. Not that Rachel wanted to talk she was currently in such a state the she couldn't get her words out. Never did she expect Nick Savage to get his revenge in this way despite nearly killing her but to do this felt like she was never going to recover from this. There was one part of her that wanted to shut down and hide from the world and another part that she wanted to get home and go to bed and go on as normal, "Mitch," Rachel walked over to her brother and sat down next to her brother and looked up at the man who had saved her from making mistakes, "thank you."

"Janet's on her way," Mitch saw the relief on Rachel's face, "and she also said she's staying at yours...do you need anything for the pain?"

At that moment Janet arrived through the double doors and looked over at her best friend who looked like she could collapse in someone's arms, "is someone going to fill me in?"


	2. I'll Hold You Close To Me

Janet had kept her promise and was settled on the Bailey's sofa next to her friend who was refusing to talk about the event, "Alison when you get this please give us a call back," Janet called the oldest Bailey for the third time by now her phone log had the impression that she was a very popular woman, "Rachel it might be…I'm just saying it might be beneficial if you…if you talk about it,"Janet tried to put herself in the shoes of Rachel but she couldn't imagine what it felt like. Janet didn't want to put herself in them but for the sake of Rachel she felt a need to, "you should also know that you are entitled to take-"

"I'm going into work tomorrow," Rachel interrupted knowing exactly what Janet was going to say, "I need something to keep me busy. Work is what keeps me busy if I'm here then…I'm," Rachel went very quiet again as she tried to get out of her head what had happened. Rachel felt her eyes start to burn with tears, "I need the bathroom," she got off the sofa her face scrunched up as the pain down below made her eyes burn with tears again.

"Rachel," Dom called his sister's name but she ignored him and went straight into the bathroom. The door clicked as she locked the door and she leant against the sink, looking in the mirror as she looked at her pale face that was covered in tear stains, "I don't know what to do…she used to hide in the bathroom after mum left. She'd lock the door and just stay there…Alison would manage to coax her out with chocolate but…" Dom's sad eyes made Janet think of Rachel they were the kind of eyes that made Janet able to forgive her best friend a lot quicker than she could, "she probably wont come out," without him realising Dom had given her some useful advice and she remembered she had gotten herself some chocolate but hadn't eaten it.

You forget I have two teenage daughter's. I'm pretty good at coaxing people out of bathrooms," Janet got off the sofa and walked over to the bathroom where she knew Rachel was hiding either in front of the door or was sat on the toilet either way they she was determined to coax her out, "Rachel hiding away wont help anything," Janet called from the other side of the door, "look why don't we share that bar of chocolate I bought the other day? It's still good to eat and it hasn't been opened."

"He had a wife and two kids," Rachel felt hot tears roll down her cheeks as she tried to compose herself, "why would he do this?" Rachel then laughed to herself. The detective half wondered if both children had been conceived through Nick Savage getting his own way. Had Caroline been apologised too and sent flowers? "I feel alone Janet which is stupid because I know I'm not but I cant help but I feel it," there was a small pause before Rachel spoke again, "I don't want to be alone."

"You're not alone Rachel…you have me, your sister and your brother, all the Syndicate will support you…you don't need to worry about that," Janet spoke softly from the other side of the door hoping a gentler approach would work, "you're not alone. I know it feels like there is no one who's been through this but you but I can tell you now you're not alone Rachel. I know it's not the same thing at all but when Geoff Hastings tried to kill me it took me ages before I reached out to talk to someone. I found an online support group and they really helped me get through the times I was in bed resting. Just trust me ok Rachel when I say that you are not alone," Janet heard sounds of movement and then the door opened. Rachel leant against the door frame she had red puffy eyes and her hands were shaking. Janet did the first thing that came to mind, "come here," she held her arms out but Rachel bit at the ends of her nails, "it's ok it's me," she reassured her friend and eventually Rachel stepped out of the bathroom and leant into the older woman she was incredibly fond of, "you're not alone Rach ok. You're not alone," she pulled away and placed her hands against Rachel's tear stained cheeks, "you look absolutely exhausted," Janet observed as she looked into Rachel's deep brown eyes, "get yourself ready for bed and I'll come and say night in a bit."

After one last cigarette at her dining table Rachel said goodnight to Dominic (kissed him on the head and stroked his hair) before going into bedroom. She crawled under the covers and tried to close her mind of what had happened but each time she closed her eyes she was sent back to that moment hours ago.

"Ahh you bitch!" Nick shouted as sharp teeth pierced the skin on his hand, "GET BACK HERE!"

Rachel ran as fast as she could despite the pain down below. Down another alleyway and past few terraced houses where she finally found a place to hide.

The young detective kept on looking back to what if he found her again? What if Mitch hadn't walked home? Those thoughts made her chest tighten up and she pushed herself up with her hand to her chest. Her deep brown eyes had that terrified look only she had. Words couldn't come out of her mouth so she ended up squeaking and croaking instead.

Rachel was pulled back to reality by the sound and the touch of a familiar person. "Get off!" she pushed Janet back and got out of her bed to hide on the window sill. She sat there knees to her chest and let hot tears roll down her face.

"Rachel it's ok," Janet slowly walked over to her cautious about how close she was and she could feel from a long way off that Rachel's energy was far from calm. Her hands shook as she opened the window to cool her hot cheeks.

"She's having a panic attack," Dom had heard the commotion in his sister's bedroom and the moment he saw her he knew she was struggling to breathe, "don't touch her…Ali used to sit by her bed until she stopped. What's going to happen?"

"If they find DNA from the examinations and from her clothes, they'll arrest Nick Savage," Janet whispered not wanting to panic her friend even more, "it's up to her where she goes from this," Janet then sat down by Rachel's bed and waited for the detective to finally calm down, "glass of water Dom," Janet saw that there was no glass by Rachel's bed and the amount Rachel had been crying she knew she'd be dehydrated.

Rachel blinked her eyes and looked around her. She found Janet sat crossed leg on the floor and Dom came back in with a glass of water, "Sorry," she got off the windowsill and got a tissue out of her tissue box.

"You don't need to be sorry…you've got nothing to apologise for Rachel," Janet reassured her as she could tell from the way she was talking that Rachel was ashamed of showing emotion even after what she went through, "you're not to blame…you've done nothing wrong. Would you like one of us to stay with you tonight?"

"Can you?" Rachel asked Janet as she got back under the covers and pulled the duvet close to her, "Dom…are you ok?"

Janet put her arm around the youngest Bailey and then reassured her friend, "he's been a star," Janet didn't want to worry Rachel by saying that her brother was clearly struggling to cope with the idea that his sister had been violently assaulted, "haven't you?"

"I got you some water," Dom pulled away from Janet's touch and walked over to his sister's bedside, "are they going to arrest him?"

"Dom!" Janet signalled for him to follow her outside.

"It'a alright," Rachel butted in the big sister side to her came out as she knew Dom was far from ok, "look…there's two ways this go Nick Savage can either plead guilty or not guilty. If he doesn't plead guilty then it'll go to court and because he's from a family of bloody barristers the chances of him being able to get in someone's ear-"

"They'll find his DNA on your clothes and from the tests they did…he'll have a hard time trying to get himself out of that one," Janet sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed, "but Nick Savage is able to get people to do things especially since he has the training to do."

"But he won't will he?" Dom asked both Janet and Rachel, "he can't get away with it."

"Right it's early in the morning, we've got work at six and I think we all need some sleep…things usually look a bit better in the morning," Janet rubbed Dom's back as he left and then she looked to Rachel, "you got your alarm set?" she asked before crawling under the other side of Rachel's double bed. The brunette pulled her phone off her bedside table to check if she had set a six am alarm. As she put the phone back down and she pulled her duvet over herself she was haunted by Nick Savage's face in her mind. Her face scrunched up and she started to cry, "come on, come on," Janet put her hand on top of Rachel's head and she gently stroked the brunette hair that now smelt like herbal essences shampoo and conditioner, "you'll get through this ok," she said as she held out her arms for Rachel to cuddle into her. The younger of the two leant her head against Janet's chest and closed her eyes as she heard the sound of Janet's heartbeat. It was said that parents to get their newborn off to sleep they should play the sound of the mother's heartbeat as they are still able to be reminded of that time when they were in the womb. With adults it was any psychologists guess that it had the same affect as babies but it was a rather relaxing white noise, "we'll get you through this," Janet reached over and switched off the light.

At six o'clock the two detectives woke up in quite a sweat. Overnight they hadn't expected to stay so close together but their body heat combined with the duvet and blanket on top meant that both were in need of a shower. Janet had gone in first and was finished within fifteen minutes but Rachel had spent longer as throughout she was reminded of the night before with the red-purple bruises on her wrists. She had gone into a trance and was pulled out of it by Dominic claiming he needed a wee. So as soon as she were dressed Rachel made her way into the living room where Janet was already in mother mode having just made three bowls of porridge for them to eat.

Rachel lit up a cigarette and then looked over at her friend who was filling the saucepan up with water to stop the contents sticking and staining.

As Dom re-entered with himself fully dressed Janet placed the first bowl in front of him, "here," she said Dom looked down at it, "I don't know what you like on top so you're best to get your own topping."

"Thanks," Dom mumbled, "have you heard from our Alison?"

"I tried to phone a second ago but it keeps going straight to voicemail," Janet informed the pair who had been wondering why their sister hadn't been answering, "Rachel are you sure you want to go in today?" Janet asked as she herself lit up a cigarette and breathed out the cloud of toxic smoke, "you are entitled-"

"I'm going in," Rachel cut in before Janet could finish. The ash at the end of her cigarette was starting to fall and Rachel managed to stop it from falling into her porridge and she grabbed the ashtray, "Dom there's ham and stuff in the fridge, bread, snack stuff so if you're hungry help yourself."

…

Rachel and Janet made their way into the office where Mitch was stood by the kettle he looked exhausted his eyes has dark circles around them, "give me a second," Rachel said to Janet as they were ready to approach Jill's office.

"Alright Bailey?" Kevin asked as he jumped on her back. Rachel was not expecting it and her already uptight body was in defence mode. Kevin was pushed to the floor and Mitch carefully grabbed Rachel's shoulders to stop her doing anything else, "what the fuck was that for?" he asked as he rubbed his now sore shoulder, "idiot!"

"Sorry…you…I wasn't expecting you to…" Rachel looked over at Janet who was now on her way over. Kevin had escaped to go the bathroom to observe the damage, "is he ok?"

"Never mind Kevin Lumb," Janet said ever so gently, "are you sure you're able to work?" Janet asked.

"I'm fine…all I wanted to do was say thank you to Mitch for last night," Rachel turned away from Janet and looked at Mitch who had a concerned look on his face, "thank you…for calling Janet, Alison, for keeping calm with Dom and for being there when I…was…thank you," she squeezed his arm and then went back to the door that led to Jill's office.

Janet knocked two times before walking in. Gill was on the phone and biting at the end of a pen when she saw how pale the brunette beside Janet looked, "Julie I've got to go I'll call you back…oh yeah right back at you to you knob head, she laughed before putting down the phone to look at Rachel, "no offence kid but you like shit," Gill was a bit shocked when Rachel did not give her a witty remark back.

"Gill you should probably know," Janet spoke for her friend as she could see Rachel was shaking, "about ten pm last night Mitch found Rachel…Nick Savage last night sexually assaulted Rachel down an alleyway. Mitch called me when they were reporting the incident."

"Then what the fuck are you doing her kid?" Gill asked the junior who was trying to wipe away tears rolling down her face.

"I wanted to come in-" Rachel was cut off by the familiar sounds of two voices.

Kevin was stood outside the double doors arguing with the oldest Bailey who had went to bed with a migraine. Overnight her phone died having not put it on charge properly due to her head feeling like it was going to explode. So by the time she woke up her phone was dead and she had missed all the calls that Janet, Dom and Mitch had made.

"If you don't let me through to see my sister I swear you will regret it," Alison snarled to Kevin who was refusing her entry into the office, "seriously if you don't let me through..I need to know why I had about ten missed calls!"

"If you want to see your sister then go outside and wait," Kevin argued back but he was then taken aback by the glare the blonde woman had, "actually maybe you could ask her why she floored me earlier," Kevin then stepped aside as Mitch came to open the door, "do you have any idea why Bailey went psycho on me and floored me to the ground?"

"Oh Kevin it was barely a scratch," Mitch called out shocking Pete and Andy. Mitch was usually the last one of the group to call Kevin out, "Alison," Mitch signalled for her to come through, "I'm assuming you got our messages?"

"Ten of them…I then go to our Rachel's flat and I find Dominic sat in the living room with the curtains closed and he's in a state," Alison turned around when Gill's door clicked and the three female detectives walked out, "well?" she asked her sister who was stood quite close to Janet, "ten bloody missed calls…five off our Dom, three off Janet, then on your phone I have him," she used her thumb to tell Rachel it was Mitch she was talking about, "also phoning me, Dom's in a state. What's happened?!" Alison finally stopped shouting when she saw the tears rolling down Rachel's face, "Rach?" Alison had to double take before realising her sister's big brown eyes were glassy with tears. Rachel looked down at the floor before covering her mouth with her hand.

"Come on kid my office," Gill signalled for Mitch to follow them. As they got into the office Alison and Rachel sat down on the sofa Gill had in her office.

"Hey," Alison was shocked to see her sister cry. Rachel hadn't cried like this since the day their mother left, "come here," she pulled her into her and kissed her on top of the head. Alison looked over at Janet for some kind of explanation, "what's happened?" she asked she could feel hot tears soak into her shirt, "it's ok…it's ok," Alison said softly as her younger sister gripped hold of her tightly. Part of her was confused as nine times out of ten Rachel barely wanted her fussing around her and she frequently told her to 'piss off', "I had a migraine last night," Alison explained as she pulled away and took hold of her sister's shaking hands, "I was supposed to charge my phone but my head was so sore I plugged the cable in but didn't switch on the plug at the wall," she turned her head to face Mitch and Janet who were more in the loop than she was, "what's happened?" she asked and Alison turned back to Rachel and wiped tears away using her thumbs, "you can tell me."

"Nick Savage…he," she wrapped her arms around her to protect herself, "he…I was walking home and he…he pulled me into the alleyway the shortcut I take. He pulled me into the alleyway and…I bit his hand to get away and Mitch found me..." she wasn't able to say it her words kept getting jumbled, the thought of what happened made her chest tighten up and she realised that there were many eyes staring at them from outside the office, "I need...just get me out of here!"

"Alright...alright hang on," Janet went to the door but Rachel had managed to unlock it, "Rachel hang on," Janet looked at Gill and made an apologetic look as she was about to leave her in a situation she had no idea about.

"Nick Savage last night about ten pm sexually assaulted Rachel. At the moment there are evidence being examined and DNA samples being looked at, "we should hopefully have some kind of answer by the end of today. Right Mitch I need to find Sherlock and John so could you make the lovely Alison here a cup of tea whilst I go to find them?" Gill left her office and started her march down the corridor and into the bathroom. As she entered she found Janet stood by a cubicle door trying for the second time to coax Rachel out.

A/N: Right so by some miracle I found this sort of similar version on my iPad! I've just tidied it up a bit and added parts in that weren't there before but there is clearly a God of fiction ;) also hello Rebecca how are you my dear?! I shall PM you when I'm able to stop being busy :')

Love CassidysPersona

X


	3. Was I Wrong, Out Of Line?

**A/N: HELLO SORRY 500,000 YEARS SINCE I UPDATED! Wow work's been crazy, life's been life and depression and anxiety can go where the sun don't shine. Anyway, I'm back with the latest chapter.**

 **Lots of love to Rona and Rebecca for following this and being patient whilst I struggled with updating this, grr I hate my brain chemicals.**

 **Love**

 **Cassidy**

 **Xx**

Gill stopped beside Janet and looked at her with worried eyes. There had been many sides to Rachel Bailey that Gill had seen but this was a complete new side to her junior. This side to her showed just how vulnerable she could be. The brunette was inside the toilet cubicle sat on top of the toilet lid looking up at the ceiling, "Rachel it's alright," Janet said through the door as she knew Rachel was able to hear her. Given they had many conversations in this bathroom Janet considered climbing over the top of the cubicle, "look why don't you home? I know you want to distract yourself but is being here really the best thing for you?" Janet heard sniffling coming from inside the bathroom and she sighed heavily, "if you don't come out I'll climb over," Janet stepped back as she heard movement coming from the cubicle, the door clicked and out came Rachel who looked pale, her eyes had dark rings around them.

"I think Janet's right kid you need to go home and be with your family…we can cope here," Gill squeezed Rachel's arm as the thirty-two-year-old turned on the cold tap and splashed her face with water, "it's your decision though."

"I'd rather be here," Rachel replied AS she tilted her head down and tried to stop herself from crying, "if I go home Gill then I've let him win, haven't I?" Rachel didn't miss the look Janet gave Gill as she stared at herself in the mirror. Rachel edged away as Janet went to put her hand on the brunette's shoulder.

"Rachel listen to me, I spent months off work because of Geoff Hastings but that didn't mean I'd let him win," Janet looked at her friend who was leant against the wall, arms folded across her chest. At this moment in time she looked about five years old rather than thirty-two, "you hardly slept last night and don't lie to me as I felt you toss and turn all night. Why don't you go home and I'll come around after I've finished up here, how does that sound?"

Rachel breathed in and she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat before quietly going, "that sounds good."

* * *

Mitch was giving Alison the details he had found out from Rachel and Alison ran her hands down her face, "she won't have gone far...her and Janet would spend the whole day if they could, talking in the bathroom," Mitch then smiled as he saw the three approached, "Mam I need to go with Pete to interview Ellen McGuire."

"Yeah of course you go," Gill ordered as she stepped aside so Mitch could squeeze past her and then she was left with just Alison, Rachel and Janet.

"What you doing kiddo?" Alison asked her sister as she sipped at the tea Mitch had made her earlier. Alison stared into Rachel's deep brown eyes and saw tears swimming in them, there was something different about Rachel crying to Dom. When Dom cried it twigged something in both of the sisters to protect him; hug him, telling him it's ok and soothe him with 'shh' being their younger brother he always had his big sister's protecting him. However, when Rachel cried it was a shock to the system and when she cried she had childlike action she'd cling on to the person hugging her, most of the time when Janet hugged her it was one of those cuddles where you felt safe and warm. One that allowed you to let your guard down and not feel ashamed. Alison was very maternal even from a young age she had strong maternal instincts taking on the role of mum from the age of eight when their mother was too busy down the pub, there was something about her hugs that gave off maternal vibes something Rachel struggled with - she never really had a mother really Sharon was away a lot, it was probably the fact Alison was more of a mother to her that she struggled to talk to her. Not that Janet wasn't a good mum to her kids but she could talk to Janet a lot easier,

"Rach?" she called her sister's name after she went into a trance

"I'm going home I just need to get my stuff," as she turned around Rachel found herself feeling rather emotional from the lack of sleep she had the night before, "you will come over after work, won't you?" Rachel asked her best friend for reassurance and Janet looked at Alison with a confused look on her face before stepping over to Rachel.

"You know I will...I promise after I'm done here with Ellen McGuire's case, I will and I promise you I will come over," Janet realized the tone she had, it was rather maternal she saw Rachel's brown eyes look rather puppy like and she felt herself softening even more, "so you go home and I'll be around as soon as I can."

"Thank you," Rachel replied. The brunette swallowed a lump in her throat before walking away to get her coat and bag she left by her desk.

As Rachel left Alison looked to Janet and then said, "How was she last night?" Alison knew Janet who Rachel's go to person. It was then she felt terrible she hadn't been able to come to her sister's rescue the night before, "she didn't have any panic attacks or something that makes her zone out."

Janet looked to see if Rachel was coming their way but she was checking her phone, the blonde turned to face her best friend's sister and then told her about the events during the night, "One panic attack but Dom told me not to touch her and then he advised me to sit by her bed...she locked herself in her bathroom as well and wouldn't come out. Dom was great though he just helped as much as he could."

"He can be good in a crisis our Dom," Alison then trailed off as Rachel appeared looking pale and shaken, "what's wrong?"

"He sent me this last night," Rachel dropped her phone onto the table and bit at the end of her nails, "dirty piece of shit...he thinks I wanted it!" Rachel clenched her fist and made deep breaths, "he thinks I wanted it...he's going to tell everyone I fucking wanted it! Why would I want it Janet?! I mean who walks down a fucking alleyway-" Rachel realized she had multiple eyes on her and she blushed red from embarrassment, "I didn't want it you have to believe me Janet," she looked at her best friend with pleading eyes. Her heart was banging against her chest rather painfully, "I can't breathe...I can't breathe Janet," she took her best friend's hand as she drew in very short breaths, painful short breaths that were tighter each time.

"What's happening to Bailey?" Kevin asked Pete as she watched his colleague sink to the floor, she disappeared from sight but he heard the hyperventilating rather clearly. Janet bent down on her knees and cupped her hands around Rachel's face.

"Look at me..." Janet ordered softly and she waited for Rachel to look up at her when she did Janet spoke softly again, "you are able to breathe Rachel, it's a panic attack...take a deep breath in and then breathe out," she felt Pete and Kevin's eyes on them and the blonde turned to face them, "instead of staring like a pair of fucking idiot, why don't you two either make yourselves useful and get some water or get back to work."

It was Mitch who had thought with his brain rather than stare and got them a large glass of water, "I've got some water for you Rachel."

"At least one of you aren't just looking for a reason to do fuck all," Janet squeezed his hand before putting her attention on Rachel, "he isn't going to get away with this," Janet gently pushed Rachel's head into her chest and she stroked her soft brown hair, "he isn't."

* * *

At six pm Janet under Gill's orders had left the Syndicate and made her way to Rachel's flat. As she entered the flat smelt of home cooking, Dom was on the games console and Alison smiled at the detective as she came into the kitchen, "How was she after you guys left?" Janet whispered not sure whether Rachel was in earshot. The blonde took off her coat and put her hair into a sensible style.

"Not good...she's been in bed all day, she hasn't eaten I tried to get her to have some soup but she refused. Maybe you might be able to talk some sense into her. I know she doesn't eat when stressed but if she wants to fight this..." Alison trailed off when she realised how much she was rambling on, "sorry...I just hate the bastard for what he's done! He must've messaged her before he was arrested surely?"

"I came here to obviously check on Rachel but to also tell you...that they've arrested him but he's not pleading guilty...I know," Janet saw the look on Alison's face and then she heard footsteps, "Rachel," Janet walked over to her and took her shaking hands, "listen to me...he will not get away with this, you are not going to let him get away with this."

"He's not pleading guilty...so he's going to somehow make sure that I wanted it, I remember everything Janet I wasn't pissed! I remember it, how he...pushed me down and then," Rachel turned her head away and looked down at the floor, "how did I give off that I wanted it?"

"He's a sick bastard Rachel...you were walking home," Janet walked over to the kitchen island and Rachel leant against it her face in her hands, shaking her head, "that's all you were doing. Walking home and he decided to this, not you...he did."

"You're the victim Rachel not him," Alison interjected as she placed three cups on the counter and searched for the Cadbury's hot chocolate tub, "Dominic!" Alison shouted to her brother. Rachel jumped as she hadn't been listening to anything anyone had said, all she could hear was muffled sounds, a bit like being underwater. The youngest Bailey took his attention away from the game and looked at his big sister, "I'm making hot chocolate would you like one?"

"Yeah," he answered and then went back to his game leaving Alison to roll her eyes, "sorry, Janet, would you like a drink?"

"If you've got coffee I wouldn't mind one," the older detective sighed heavily as she noticed Rachel was staring into something but she couldn't pinpoint what, "Rachel?"

"He will get away with it Janet...as he's a sick bastard! He knows how to worm his way out of things...he'll get his shitty life back together and I'll be...a victim, no one will look at me the same. All they will see is me as a victim and I don't want that," Rachel stormed out of the kitchen and slammed her bedroom door shut where she shoved everything off the top of her chest of draws and screamed a frustrated scream.

Janet waited ten minutes her experience with parenting was let them get it out of their system and then go find them, Janet knocked three times before calling,

"Rachel...can I come in?" Janet didn't wait for an answer knowing Rachel would refuse her access and before the brunette could push chest of draws or her bed to the door she walked in and found her young friend sat on the floor, head between her knees crying, "oh Rachel," Janet sat down next to her and put her arm around her, "you haven't lost Rachel," Janet rubbed Rachel's uncovered arm and felt that her arms were freezing, "Rachel why is the window open? It's freezing outside," she got up and shut the window and then found the electronic heater that needed to be turned on due to freezing cold air that Rachel had let in, "why did you have your window open?"

"I sat by the window but I got too cold," Rachel replied and she looked up at Janet she rested her cheek against her hands that were on top of her knees, "he will bring up everything Janet...PNCing him, he'll bring up that I spoke to him about Georgios Stelikos, he'll make sure that I'm the criminal I know he will as he's a sick fuck!"

"Shh," Janet soothed as she saw Rachel was getting herself worked up to the point she worried she might dissociate – again – for the third time, "he cannot justify rap-"

"Don't say that word please...I hate it," Rachel looked repulsed as her face screwed up and she felt her stomach twist. The brunette hadn't eaten all day apart from the breakfast Janet made for her but she felt sick, her throat tightened and she rushed out of her bedroom to the bathroom where she fell to her knees and vomited up bile, the acid burned the back of her throat rather painfully. Her body had gone from cold to hot given she had had retched, her face was bright red and Rachel appreciated Janet's cold hand rubbing her back, "I'm sorry Janet."

"You're shaking...you need something sugary come on," Janet pulled her up and guided her into the kitchen where Alison was appalled to find her sister had nothing around her to keep her warm.

"Get this down you," Alison put the cup of hot chocolate in front of her sister and then went to find her dressing gown.

"I'm with your sister on this one Rach...drink it," Janet couldn't help but be slightly assumed by Rachel looking up at her in hope she'd take it away, "you are freezing. If you want me to stay around again I will, I'm more than happy too," Janet saw Rachel nod and tears spilled out of her brown eyes, "come here," Janet again pulled her into a hug and tried to warm the young detective up, "we are not going to let him win ok...he is not going to win," she felt hot tears soak into her shirt, "will you be ok if I go home to pack a bag?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine Janet," Alison came back in with a grey dressing gown and she looked at her sister, "you better put this on before I make you put it on, it's freezing outside Rachel and you're barely wearing anything."

Janet saw Rachel put her middle finger up as her sister turned away and she kissed her on the head before leaving, "I'll see you in a bit alright."

"Thank you," Rachel took Janet's hand and smiled at her, "you know I love you."


End file.
